Scared

I am addicted to adrenaline and everyone knows that. I love the split second where the butterflies are swimming in my stomach. That moment of fear that I may not make it at all.

I love driving xiaobai a lot. I don't understand the concept of understeer, oversteer, drift, apex and all the technical terms that peoople use on track. I only understand how xiaobai moves depends on me. How I control the way she turns, how fast she goes and how late I brake. I learn my driving lines by getting into people car and observe what they do at each turns.

Yesterday was another Saturday at the playground in Pasir Gudang Circuit. It was raining really hard but I insisted on going onto track. The driving condition was bad as xiaobai was drifty. I am on an old set of AD08s, cambered and quite bald. It was also the first time I actually had to drive at such low visibility in PG; maybe less than 50m?  And I actually got scared midway through the track like as though a cloud of fear just suddenly descended on me. I have an inate fear for darkness or the unknown. Though it was bright on track, it was nerve wrecking as I can't see very far. It's like I realised that this is a condition that I haven't explored with xiaobai before and I don't know the limits and if I control the car if something happened. The flood of uncertainty just swamped me and sent that chill down the spine.

I refused to pit. I needed to overcome that fear that I can't see. I drove on. I had to used whatever I could recall from memory to know where to brake, where to downshift, where to turn, where to exit. I got faster with each lap but I finally spanned out on a long straight. haha... So shitty right? Straight also can spin out. No thanks to the uneven track condition and an accumlating water puddle.  Had mud all over xiao bai and took me a long time to get rid of the soil/twigs/grass in the rims, suspensions etc.... 

And so yesterday, I saw the limit of what my balding tyres could do with my car and I learnt something with it... Now, maybe I should sign up for the night track day in Sepang. haha....

A quote that I wanna share about the journey of self- discovery I had with Xiaobai in the last 1 year plus:

"You think you have a limit, and then you go for this limit and you touch this limit, and you think OK, this is the limit. As soon you touch this limit, something happens to you; suddenly you can go a little bit further. With your mind power, your determination, your instinct and your experience as well, you can fly very high." -Ayrton Senna