This morning whilst driving & daydreaming at the same time, a thought hit me. It's like a bolt of light that came through a dark tunnel. Ar nah, that light can also be a train light... how lame.. haha...
I suddenly remembered why I deviated from OD and started this travel blog. I wanted myself to remember why I left HL. I gave up his love for me in exchange for my freedom. I must remember the taste of freedom that very day. I wanted to live a life where I can see the world and do whatever I want to without a care for another's feelings.
I have never forgotten the concept of being 随心所欲 with my life. Probably that's why I wrote the previous entry because I needed to be true to myself. I got the answer that I needed to know so that I can move on. Strangely enough, it was liberating. Really... I was pleasantly surprised at my own body's response to it. hahaha...
And to me part of being spontaneous is to be very passionate about living my life. It's like when I go to PG or Sepang to track my car, I really race to my heart's content. I put my life on the line, hit the accelerator, go very fast and brake very late. I keep having that need to break the previous recorded speed at each and every turn. If I were to die whilst racing, I will die with no regrets because I am at my happiest when I race that hard.
*sheepish grin* of cos I do hold back that 10% 'cos I scare my car break down and I cannot go home.. wahahah...
It reminds of something I wrote when I was in Year 4.... thought it's a nice reminder.
"Life's in a mono of late. Can't blame. I am a student with exams round the corner.
Lately, the gang's been
"talking" about passion. More precisely, living with passion. Without passion,
we would be this thing called a zombie. Passion gives us colour in our face.
Passion brings us friends. Passion makes you aim for the impossible. Basically,
passion shapes all of us.
Interesting philosophy that they
were writing about on email. hahaha....I have my thoughts about it too. Frankly,
if one ever asked me, I do idolised passionate people. Passionate to the extreme
till they are sometimes call weird. Seriously, a nerd is just another passionate
person. I realised that one can find happiness in living passionately. Because
if you live passionately, you are oblivious to the opinions people have on you.
It is a strange connection I must say. To be so, one must first be able to let
go at will. If you heard people calling you nerd, u never take it to heart.
Because that's your interest. Your life would be empty without it. And if you
find people who understands this thing that you are passionate about, wouldn't
it be like the greatest happiness you would ever find? Probably that's why
like-minded people likes to congregate together.
There's being passionate about
life. I love the spontaneity that life offers. The chances and opportunities
that one is being entitled to. Initially when I started year 4, I was filled
with mixed feelings. Loneliness was particularly scary then. Most of my friends
have graduated. It was really lonely everyday. I used to have people to hang out
with, to catch up with even during a 5 minutes break. Then I realised, I totally
like my life now. It is lonely but the freedom I enjoy is endearing. I can do
whatever I want without having to care if it matters to anyone. I mean, I can
really be who I am and live my life as passionately as I want to. Example, if I
realised I can't concentrate in school today because I am thinking of buying
that pair of shoes, I can just leave school and go shopping. hahahaa....yeah,
alone. It doesn't really matter anymore because if I don't try to live my life
the way I want it, I would not be happy.
Of cos, there's always this
other connection about living with passion and being
irresponsible...hahhaa...you know what I mean, don't you?
Oh well....lunching with
weiyang. Have to go!!!
To end it all, here's
something...think about your day today...
"Have you lived well today so
that if you suddenly die, you have no regrets?"- OCT 2005
With my hands across my heart, I have lived well yesterday, today and will do the same tomorrow.
2 comments:
wah. we were having lunch since so long ago?! wahahaha
*faintz* I think I will get the shock of my life if I wrote that on a Tuesday...
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